because I've got no life

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed, so never mind
And it’s worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger

I just got home from California on Monday, and I am sick. Like, really sick.
I need to do my summer homework.
I need to make sure they still have the June archives for the editorial section of the Times Picayune on the computer.
Mostly, I need to stop being a little baby.

I guess I'm the way I am right now because I finally realised how close I am to finishing school. I know two years is still a long time, but that time will go by fast. I have so many things I need to do and I'm scared I won't be able to do them. I'm scared that everything will just pile up on top of me and leave me stuck in the middle of everything. I am worried that I won't have any time to be happy this year, or next year. I don't know. I just worry too much.

Also, I feel like a hypocrite. I hate people that get brand new cars for their first car. Now my mom and dad are talking about getting me a brand new car. I guess the difference that I can defend myself with is that I still am going to be making payments for it. Anyway. My mom asked me today if I really wanted to drive and I didn't tell her what I should have. I don't want to. I thought I did, but it's too scary. I just see it as another sign of the fact that I have to start actually growing up, and I don't know. I really don't know.

I dyed my hair but missed a bunch of the under layers. Oh well. My mom keeps talking about it and it's not like she helped, so if she wants to fix it she can get somebody to fix it because I'm not messing up my hair again, and I'm not letting her mess it up either because she knows less about hair coloring than I do.

I am just glad that I am a little bit happier than I was. Even though it's not by much.