something best forgotten

I just read all of my highlighted passages in the perks of being a wallflower
I feel like I am going to throw up from thinking of everything this books reminds me of.
I wish that I had never gotten it. I wish that I hadn't bonded with ryan over it.
I wish that I could share it with all of my friends in hopes that maybe it will help them understand me.
I feel like I am going to explode into tiny fragments if I hide from the world too much longer.
I am still a blank slate in my school, a ghost in the background. I hate that.
I feel like I am going to cry because I am overflowing with emotions right now.
I am angry, I am sad, I am curious, I am hopeful, and I am just a mess. I'm like Charlie.
I am remembering when I fell in love with ryan, and how horrible that was.
I am remembering being on drugs that I found in the kitchen cabinet, and being crazy.
I am remembering crying after being awake a full day, watching SVU marathons.
I am remembering how Kady and I didn't talk for a while after that.
I am remembering things I think are better left forgotten. I really... don't know.
I am numb. I am falling apart. I am reverting back into the shell I used to be.
I don't want to be lost like I was back then. I want to be okay. Please.
I am going to sleep in my sunshine hat.
I am going to bundle up and pretend I am outside a bar in the middle of the night.
I am going to fall asleep pretending I am in your arms.
I am going to end this.