keeping tabs

Whenever I was a few years younger, back in the day, I used to have a bunch of internet friends. There was Andy and his boyfriend Ryar, Colette, some girls from this website I don't go to anymore, Eddie, and a whole bunch of people I don't remember the names of. For the longest of times, I tried to keep tabs on some of them. Others just kind of faded away. I feel like that's all my life has been, really. Me trying to keep tabs on people, but eventually they just all fade away. I wish they didn't. I wish that I could just have one big conversation with everybody again one more time and apologize for things that I've done, and tell them how they made me who I was. One thing a few of them had in common was that they were screwed up when I was screwed up, only they were closer to adulthood and were a more pathetic form of messed up. Maybe that is how I got this way. Maybe they shaped the person I am. All I know, is that there is one person I am still keeping tabs on-- my beautiful girlfriend. I cannot wait until the day whenever our tabs are closed, and we are together. Maybe it won't last long, but I know somewhere that destiny has played a role in our relationship. And if destiny is on my side, then I will be able to find out if she is "the one" or not, and if she is the one... So help me, god, I hope she is still the one in a few years time and not just a bunch of google searches and blog subscriptions.