It is probably bad that I am almost sixteen, and scared to death right now.
Just because I am home alone for the first time at night at this house.
I found out that despite what past friendships have told me, I am a wonderful friend.
I saved my friend from having a felony against him, and possibly being in juvie.
I also saved him from starving while his mom didn't buy food for a couple of months.
Sometimes I wish I meant it whenever I tell people they are my best friend.
Really, though, it's just me trying to feel like I am important enough for them to know me.

I am listening to John Mayer on some television station right now and trying not to cry.
My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I don't want it to come yet. I don't want to grow.
I am not doing well in school. I have put off all of my homework tonight, and should get to work.
Really, though, I don't see why. I don't really have any motivation at this school.
At least in Pensacola I felt like I belonged most of the time, even during my downfalls.

I met a cute lesbian last night at school during a play. I felt kind of weird though.
I miss last year. I miss the girls I had crushes on for a while. I miss that.
I think I am starting to develop a crush for Crispy. Which is so ridiculous.
I told myself that I would never date her because of how needy she is for affection.
Affection that I can't give, because I am too much of a wreck. God, I hate this.

I hate that I am falling apart. I was doing so great until June. I hate this house.
It is full of bad karma, and even though I should have good karma right now I don't.
Then again, what's new about that? I guess I'm just reverting back to who I used to be.
I guess you can only force yourself to believe that you are happy for so long.
I just wish that it would have lasted at least another year.